As a first year missionary with FOCUS, a year long dating fast is required for three reasons:
1. To further discern vocations.
2. Radical availability of your time to the mission.
3. To better intentionally see and interact with those around you as brothers and sisters in Christ.
If, in August, someone 'liked' a status of which I wrote "lms for tbh about the dating fast" I would've replied,
"1. Good. 2. I feel like you are mature enough to be prudent about that. But alright, alright. 3. Duh.
If the same 'like' was given to the same status i'd post now, my answers would be drastically different. You see, I've never dated anyone, ever - not one date, not one time. So, when asked, 'are you nervous for the dating fast?' it was almost laughable. Dating drought is more like it and no, I was definitely not nervous. The second point was the only one I had a slight question about, but the third one has taught me the most. If you know me at all, which you do if you're reading this, you probably know I was basically a boy until sophomore year of college. My friends were boys, I dressed like a boy, I definitely acted like a boy, and I certainly didn't consider myself a boy; but, I definitely did not feel like a girl. You know how guys are always complaining about the "friend zone"? Yeah. My license plate, phone number, and plaque on my house might as well read "bffzone". If I am not President elect of such a place, i'm definitely Speaker of the House. I'd go on, but I think you get it. So, going into the dating fast I thought, 'piece of cake'.
First mistake.
You see, the longer i'm on a dating fast, the more I think about it - in the best way possible. Not in the joking, hashtagging 'forever alone' sarcastically obnoxious way. Not in the 'well, nothings changing - i'll use the fast as an excuse' way. Not even in the 'yolo, dating fast! not going to shower today (though, I may have said that once)' way. But the more I think about it and pray about it, God is teaching me so much through this fast. As women, it is often surprisingly easy to - o.m.g. - like someone...more than a friend. Gasp! We've made our standards so low for the way we see and treat ourselves, that we've made things surprisingly easy for men to waltz on into our precious hearts. Truth or Truth? Truth: A girl I know and love had a crush on a guy who, drum roll please, gave up his seat on the bus for her.
Yeah. It's that easy.
Good news: i'm not the only one in a dating drought. Bad news: our culture is in a dating drought. But why?! If we were the women of character we have the potential to be, we would expect that. Not in a snobbish, entitled kind of way, but in a way that shows dignity and respect to those we are in contact with. We should act in a way that dignifies not ourselves, but those we exist with. We would expect a man to give up a seat on the bus because if the roles were reversed, we would have done the same. The more I ask in prayer to learn about what it means to be a daughter of the King, to be a beloved woman of God, the more i'm convicted of the fact that we women have brought this 'dating drought' upon ourselves. So...that's crappy. But, don't dispair - by the same logic we can evaluate that us women can restore dignity to humanity!
How do we do this? Stop looking in the mirror and start looking at the cross. That man, that PERFECT man gave His life so that you can love Him and be with Him forever. He loves you, thinks more of you than anyone you'll encounter in your lifetime, and all He wants is for you to love Him in return. So start praying, ladies and gentlemen. Because with the state of the world, the only way we even have hope to change the minds and hearts of our peers is with grace. A LOT of grace. Start reading, reading books by saints, by experts of character. Learn more about Mary, the Mother of God, she got it right, surely she can teach us a little bit. Stop comparing!! PLEASE!! (Don't worry, i'm listening to myself here too) Comparison is the greatest thief of joy. Talents, looks, hugs and excellent comedic timing are all just tools to give Glory to God. If someone has something you wish you had, Praise God and move on! He made you perfectly for Him, REJOICE!
Thank you to those who have started this fight for dignity, I am so grateful to be a witness to such holy marriages, relationships and friendships. Thank you to my friends who question and hashtag the dating fast, you remind me to pray for new ways to embrace and find joy in it. Thank you, FOCUS and this dating fast, for allowing me the opportunity to learn just a fraction of what it means to be desired, captivated, treasured, adored, and made whole - simply because I was created.
The four most frequent mental prayers i've been reciting this semester, in no particular order:
1. Grant me great faith, O Lord.
2. Help me choose joy.
3. Grant me grace to love.
4. Thank you.
I still have a semester left, but if it's anything like this semester, i'm in for quite a treat!
Thank you, Lord, for giving me this opportunity to ready my heart to best serve You. I am Yours and You are mine.
You are a rock star.
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