This i've heard time and time again, but it never meant anything to me. It was one of those "sounds great and beautiful and looks good on an instagram picture of a sunset, filtered with valencia and every word is a different font" kind of situation. But when you're thinking about particular moments in your life that took you closer or further away from true love and ETERNITY - all day, everyday - you start to feel the gravity of sin. And how completely IDIOTIC it is to keep any of it locked away inside, chewing away at your sanctity. Bringing my sin "into the light" finally made sense. Forgiveness became so real. Prayer was fruitful. Grace was abundant.
This is just the surface of the happenings of my retreat, but I wanted to give a short intro to what this blog is about. This blog is about Amy Frazier (Devlin). Like I briefly mentioned above, it has been hard to be back at NAU. Back into "real life". Away from the great and holy people at FOCUS training, from summer weddings and celebrations, vacations and invaluable family time. Back to schedules, planning and the reality of collegiate ministry. When this slapped me in the face the moment I moved back into my house in Flagstaff (for no particular reason), prayer became REALLY hard, sin became appealing again, and sadness was creeping in. Tasting sainthood not a month previous, I knew this was not necessary. I sat myself down and started to read over my journaling and graces from the 8-day, I came across this:
"Friday, July 11, 2014
TRANSFIGURATION mt 17:1-13
At first: 'be not afraid' then 'Elijiah DID come' (were what stood out to me). Who was my John the Baptist? Amy Frazier. THANK YOU, GOD for Amy and all the people and love You showed her to have her say 'yes' to follow you!
BRAT MOMENT (actually wrote that in my journal after going back and meditating on this more)
Thats it? My meditation on the multiplication gets a whole day and i just witnessed Christ, the Father, Moses and Elijiah appear to 3 sinful men and all i get is 'to be thankful for Amy?' (sounds SO DUMB writing it down, forgive me, Amy (also, written that day, in my journal)). But YES! Thank God for Amy, everyday! Jesus HAD to be after John the Baptist. The timing was divine, literally.Every player had a purpose. I would not be on day 7 of an 8 day silent retreat had not Amy prepared for me the way to Christ. PRAISE BE JESUS CHRIST! Mary - thank you for keeping Amy so close to your immaculate heart and to your Son. I LOVE YOU! He loved me through Amy before I knew He was loving me directly."
There I was, the last night of the retreat, front row in the Ave Maria Oratory, on the third of four meditations set for the day. I was SO joyful to be thinking of Amy, her kindness, hospitality, and selflessness. Her beautiful sisters and daughter. Then, I became so overwhelmed thinking of all the people and opportunities afforded to Amy that led her so close to Heaven. And how all of those people had said 'yes' to an invitation extended to them by someone else leading all the way back to the beginning of time!!! Yeah, I guess overwhelmed is an understatement, haha. I am so grateful. I think of Amy and her growing little family quite often, but I hardly ever take time to thank God for them.
Amy, I would not be a missionary without your constant invitation to mass. I would not have encountered Christ, time and time again without first seeing Him in you. And I definitely would not have sought after femininity and a relationship with our Blessed Mother, Mary, had you not emulated her so beautifully. So, since I fail at thanking you as much as you deserve, please read this however often you want or need. I love you, and all the people who have also loved you because you all have given me a chance at eternity. You are a saint already my friend!
Audrey, Sarra, Cari and Amy (and baby)
