The Father's House

This last summer and this summer I was able to attend a retreat at FOCUS New Staff Training called 'The Father's House'. It is about the first person of the trinity - God The Father. He's amazing.

I was looking over my notes yesterday morning and was able to share them three different times throughout the day, so today I thought I'd put them on here and everyone can see. How exciting! I'll try to connect/explain the thoughts further but sometimes they might just be little nuggets of truth that you can chew on and pray through on your own or with a spiritual director.

Mystical Adoption - All baptized peoples. When you've been baptized, you've been drawn into the trinity. Everything in Christ's heart is now in your heart - that's mystical adoption.

Baptism.
-Complete identification with Jesus.
-You are Jesus' mystical body and you are called to be rooted in love (God = love : be rooted in God). Jesus and I now share the same eyes, staring up at the Father and into the world.
-You belong to Jesus and unless you run away completely, you have a rendezvous with glory!

When humans are healthy they can be happy and thrive. On their path to being healthy they always ask themselves, sometime in their life, these three questions.
1. What is the meaning of life?
-When they are hopeful, humans can survive.
-When they are easy to give up, they die.
2. Who am I?
-We need an answer to this and acquire them in all the wrong places.
3. Where do I find love?
-The single desire that dominated my heart was the desire to love and be loved.
-Our lives make no sense until/unless love is revealed to us.

 "after many experiences and a lot of thinking, I am convinced that the objective starting point of love is the realization that I am needed by another." - Karol Woytyla (Saint John Paul II)

Jesus shows us the answer to these 3 questions in His life.
Mark 1:9-11 - Jesus receives His identity from the Father and it is given and shared at His baptism.
-Jesus gets His identity and love from the Father and He exists to bring us to the same truth.

Conversion.
-At first you want to start doing everything for Jesus. Then you start to do things with Jesus as you develop a prayer life. Eventually, your will becomes so conformed to His will, that you are able to do things as Jesus. You're able to love more, like Him. You'll be able to sacrifice more, like He did. You'll be able to proclaim truth, like He did. You'll be able to bring souls to the Father, like He does!
-You don't have to give Him more than He is asking of you. In fact, you probably shouldn't because He gives us grace for everything we need. We don't need to do more than what He wants. Naturally, the question presents itself, "What's the point of our productivity?" especially in evangelization? That everyone we come across has value and deserves, just by existing, to be loved. God does not ask for perfect work, but for infinite desire.

"my Beloved Spouse, told us in the days of His mortal life: "Whatsoever you ask the Father in my name he will give it to you!" I am certain, then, that You will grant my desires; I know, O my God! that the more You want to give, the more You make us desire. I feel in my heart immense desires and it is with confidence I ask You to come and take possession of my soul." - St. Therese, Act of Oblation to Merciful Love 

How to enter the Father's House?

Mass

-a Christian that is baptized is not complete without the Eucharist. 

watch : The Hour That Will Change Your Life  

Living in the Father's House

1. Defend the Sanctuary

-from mortal sins

-from distractions

2. Enter the Sanctuary

-withdraw from the senses (prayer, love, faith are not feelings)

3. Adorn the Sanctuary

-little acts of prayer (one liners), "Jesus, I trust in you". 

And they closed with this gem. 

It's not even a fair fight anymore, you have to choose against God more than you choose God, because the reality of the power of baptism is always, always, always victorious. 

Why I'm Fat

Argue it (my vanity would love you forever) or agree with it, i'm plenty overweight. No, this hasn't been a recent epiphany or a cause for any drastic, life altering decisions; it's just a fact. I've had my 30lbs ups and downs, taken full advantage (my 'glory' football days), and been taken full advantage of because of it - yet the fact remains; and I've done hardly anything to change.
Thanks to my beautiful, wise, and fashion forward mom, I have learned to dress quite complimentary to my body type; and to my college roommates and YouTube, i'm not too shabby at the hair and makeup to bring the whole look together. For these reasons, I've justified my perpetual size 18, double chin cladding, peasant blouse wearing-but fooling no one- self into staying relatively the same size for the last decade. I've become so accustomed to the way I am that I shy away from any activity that doesn't involve an end zone or bases, that I've missed out on a great deal of beauty and memories. And I think I've finally realized why.
Over Christmas break, one of my best friends was talking about a book she read titled, 'Why Christian Women Are Fat'. She briefly explained that in the book, the authoress talks about our longing for love, comfort, pleasure, fulfillment, etc., which we are supposed to receive from The Lord, but often seek in food. I haven't really thought about it a whole lot, actually, the entire time she talked about it I was mentally noting my frustrations with her because homegirl is far from fat. She's a beautiful, witty mother of 2! Nonetheless, what she said planted itself in the back of my mind and resurfaced tonight after a talk on surrender and unification of our will's to God's.  It surfaced almost instantly, but in the most healthy way. I've learned a lot this year, about healing and deliverance, only recently did I learn about influence introspection can have on you. Trying to dig up old wounds and hurts can do a lot of harm if not done 'correctly'. I did a lot of digging, and got myself into a deep, deep hole...but that's for another time. Back to my most recent revelation.
Being fat or even the idea of being fat only as the power you give it...and I gave it a lot of power. I let it keep me from doing a lot of things that bring me great joy: going dancing, giving and receiving hugs (because people would touch me and feel the rolls and lumps), going shopping with my friends (because...obviously), going out to eat (because why would I get what I really want...a burger...when I should probably get a salad 'cause i'm the biggest person at the table), going on hikes and adventures in the beautiful northern Arizona country (because I won't be able to breathe and I'd die or be really embarrassed which is basically the same thing), etc. All of which is very sad. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can't. Either way, let this be the last time we let ourselves be pitied. 
Christ is Victor. I will be a victim no longer. 
Sure, people have yelled terrible things to me as i've walked across the street, laughed at me as i'v fallen in my collegiate PE class (hurdles aren't for the top heavy), and graciously - or not - told me they probably didn't have anything for me in their store. So what? I have the power to hold onto that and I have the power to let it go. 
I have the power to let Jesus do what He came here to do: Love me at my worst. We choose to be the victim in one way or another. People do things to us, we can do them to ourselves, circumstances can arise, but I have the power to be victorious because I proclaim Jesus as Lord. Either Jesus runs our lives, or we are manipulated into running them into the ground. Of ourselves, our lives are necessarily out of control. Jesus is the only name by which we can have hope, but He is the only hope we need. Only by His life, death, and resurrection will we escape being victimized and have eternal life. 
So, you see, we can old onto these things and self pity, or we can be confident in who we are and move on.Until this clicked for me - in these exact terms - nothing worked. I even lost a pound a day, and 10 after on Advocare's 24 day challenge...2 years later, back to my old habits and my old weight. I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I did it so I could wear what everyone else was wearing, so guys would want me in all the wrong ways, so my face would get more likes on instagram than a picture of a baby monkey (dang those cute little creatures). 
I was holding onto my weight as an excuse when I failed, when I was #foreveralone, when I was sad. I wasn't letting it go so I could be who I was meant to be. To be fully alive. To be the greatest version of myself. I don't have to be thin to be these things, I might never be thin. But, I do have the will power now to be healthy. To be in control of my physical life. To not cower inside on a beautiful day. To not long for cold weather so I can finally hide in jeans and hoodies. I have the power to be FREE! I have a long road ahead, God willing, and just as any other comfort keeping us from greatness, I will need help to be rid of it! Thus, this blog. Help me to help myself! Pray for me, encourage me, and check in on me if moved to do so. If you need a change, tell someone about it. But do it to glorify God, who created us to do so by our very lives. 
Live in receiving at every moment, accepting all you've done and been through to be where you are right now because God is, at every moment, throwing grace at you wanting you to be loved. LET HIM LOVE YOU but never get comfortable. With comfort comes complacency and we were made for GREATNESS. 
Amen? Good. 

A Necessary Reminder

I am back in Flagstaff for year 2 with FOCUS and the wonderful people here at NAU. It has been great and hard to be back, reminded of growth and love but also of failures and times of great humility here last year. After FOCUS training this summer, I was able to stay and participate in an 8-day retreat. A silent 8-day retreat. Who is surprised I, Sarra Stanley, queen of one-liners, completely unnecessary sarcasm and side comments, made it through that? Well, join the club. But PRAISE JESUS! What grace, patience and love God showed me. You absolutely cannot (and should not) hide from yourself during 8 days of silence and though it is hard and sometimes painful, it is also exciting and necessary because those are not only places, memories and wounds that God wants to heal...but that is where He wants to love you the most!! 
This i've heard time and time again, but it never meant anything to me. It was one of those "sounds great and beautiful and looks good on an instagram picture of a sunset, filtered with valencia and every word is a different font" kind of situation. But when you're thinking about particular moments in your life that took you closer or further away from true love and ETERNITY - all day, everyday - you start to feel the gravity of sin. And how completely IDIOTIC it is to keep any of it locked away inside, chewing away at your sanctity. Bringing my sin "into the light" finally made sense. Forgiveness became so real. Prayer was fruitful. Grace was abundant. 
This is just the surface of the happenings of my retreat, but I wanted to give a short intro to what this blog is about. This blog is about Amy Frazier (Devlin). Like I briefly mentioned above, it has been hard to be back at NAU. Back into "real life". Away from the great and holy people at FOCUS training, from summer weddings and celebrations, vacations and invaluable family time. Back to schedules, planning and the reality of collegiate ministry. When this slapped me in the face the moment I moved back into my house in Flagstaff (for no particular reason), prayer became REALLY hard, sin became appealing again, and sadness was creeping in. Tasting sainthood not a month previous, I knew this was not necessary. I sat myself down and started to read over my journaling and graces from the 8-day, I came across this:

"Friday, July 11, 2014
TRANSFIGURATION mt 17:1-13
At first: 'be not afraid' then 'Elijiah DID come' (were what stood out to me). Who was my John the Baptist? Amy Frazier. THANK YOU, GOD for Amy and all the people and love You showed her to have her say 'yes' to follow you! 
BRAT MOMENT (actually wrote that in my journal after going back and meditating on this more)
Thats it? My meditation on the multiplication gets a whole day and i just witnessed Christ, the Father, Moses and Elijiah appear to 3 sinful men and all i get is 'to be thankful for Amy?' (sounds SO DUMB writing it down, forgive me, Amy (also, written that day, in my journal)). But YES! Thank God for Amy, everyday! Jesus HAD to be after John the Baptist. The timing was divine, literally.Every player had a purpose. I would not be on day 7 of an 8 day silent retreat had not Amy prepared for me the way to Christ. PRAISE BE JESUS CHRIST! Mary - thank you for keeping Amy so close to your immaculate heart and to your Son. I LOVE YOU! He loved me through Amy before I knew He was loving me directly."

There I was, the last night of the retreat, front row in the Ave Maria Oratory, on the third of four meditations set for the day. I was SO joyful to be thinking of Amy, her kindness, hospitality, and selflessness. Her beautiful sisters and daughter. Then, I became so overwhelmed thinking of all the people and opportunities afforded to Amy that led her so close to Heaven. And how all of those people had said 'yes' to an invitation extended to them by someone else leading all the way back to the beginning of time!!! Yeah, I guess overwhelmed is an understatement, haha. I am so grateful. I think of Amy and her growing little family quite often, but I hardly ever take time to thank God for them. 

Amy, I would not be a missionary without your constant invitation to mass. I would not have encountered Christ, time and time again without first seeing Him in you. And I definitely would not have sought after femininity and a relationship with our Blessed Mother, Mary, had you not emulated her so beautifully. So, since I fail at thanking you as much as you deserve, please read this however often you want or need. I love you, and all the people who have also loved you because you all have given me a chance at eternity. You are a saint already my friend! 

Audrey, Sarra, Cari and Amy (and baby)

Dating Fast

Dun dun dunnnnn

As a first year missionary with FOCUS, a year long dating fast is required for three reasons:
1. To further discern vocations.
2. Radical availability of your time to the mission.
3. To better intentionally see and interact with those around you as brothers and sisters in Christ.

If, in August, someone 'liked' a status of which I wrote "lms for tbh about the dating fast" I would've replied, 
"1. Good. 2. I feel like you are mature enough to be prudent about that. But alright, alright. 3. Duh.

If the same 'like' was given to the same status i'd post now, my answers would be drastically different. You see, I've never dated anyone, ever - not one date, not one time. So, when asked, 'are you nervous for the dating fast?' it was almost laughable. Dating drought is more like it and no, I was definitely not nervous. The second point was the only one I had a slight question about, but the third one has taught me the most. If you know me at all, which you do if you're reading this, you probably know I was basically a boy until sophomore year of college. My friends were boys, I dressed like a boy, I definitely acted like a boy, and I certainly didn't consider myself a boy; but, I definitely did not feel like a girl. You know how guys are always complaining about the "friend zone"? Yeah. My license plate, phone number, and plaque on my house might as well read "bffzone". If I am not President elect of such a place, i'm definitely Speaker of the House. I'd go on, but I think you get it. So, going into the dating fast I thought, 'piece of cake'.

First mistake. 

You see, the longer i'm on a dating fast, the more I think about it - in the best way possible. Not in the joking, hashtagging 'forever alone' sarcastically obnoxious way. Not in the 'well, nothings changing - i'll use the fast as an excuse' way. Not even in the 'yolo, dating fast! not going to shower today (though, I may have said that once)' way. But the more I think about it and pray about it, God is teaching me so much through this fast. As women, it is often surprisingly easy to - o.m.g. - like someone...more than a friend. Gasp! We've made our standards so low for the way we see and treat ourselves, that we've made things surprisingly easy for men to waltz on into our precious hearts. Truth or Truth? Truth: A girl I know and love had a crush on a guy who, drum roll please, gave up his seat on the bus for her. 

Yeah. It's that easy. 

Good news: i'm not the only one in a dating drought. Bad news: our culture is in a dating drought. But why?! If we were the women of character we have the potential to be, we would expect that. Not in a snobbish, entitled kind of way, but in a way that shows dignity and respect to those we are in contact with. We should act in a way that dignifies not ourselves, but those we exist with. We would expect a man to give up a seat on the bus because if the roles were reversed, we would have done the same. The more I ask in prayer to learn about what it means to be a daughter of the King, to be a beloved woman of God, the more i'm convicted of the fact that we women have brought this 'dating drought' upon ourselves. So...that's crappy. But, don't dispair - by the same logic we can evaluate that us women can restore dignity to humanity!

 How do we do this? Stop looking in the mirror and start looking at the cross. That man, that PERFECT man gave His life so that you can love Him and be with Him forever. He loves you, thinks more of you than anyone you'll encounter in your lifetime, and all He wants is for you to love Him in return. So start praying, ladies and gentlemen. Because with the state of the world, the only way we even have hope to change the minds and hearts of our peers is with grace. A LOT of grace. Start reading, reading books by saints, by experts of character. Learn more about Mary, the Mother of God, she got it right, surely she can teach us a little bit. Stop comparing!! PLEASE!! (Don't worry, i'm listening to myself here too) Comparison is the greatest thief of joy. Talents, looks, hugs and excellent comedic timing are all just tools to give Glory to God. If someone has something you wish you had, Praise God and move on! He made you perfectly for Him, REJOICE! 

Thank you to those who have started this fight for dignity, I am so grateful to be a witness to such holy marriages, relationships and friendships. Thank you to my friends who question and hashtag the dating fast, you remind me to pray for new ways to embrace and find joy in it. Thank you, FOCUS and this dating fast, for allowing me the opportunity to learn just a fraction of what it means to be desired, captivated, treasured, adored, and made whole - simply because I was created. 

The four most frequent mental prayers i've been reciting this semester, in no particular order:
1. Grant me great faith, O Lord. 
2. Help me choose joy. 
3. Grant me grace to love. 
4. Thank you.

I still have a semester left, but if it's anything like this semester, i'm in for quite a treat! 

Thank you, Lord, for giving me this opportunity to ready my heart to best serve You. I am Yours and You are mine. 

My New Home

Guys! I've been in Flagstaff for 3 weeks! Say what?! 

Accabelieve it. 

I've been on brain overload trying to remember new people, places and things here in Arizona, I have not loved every minute of it, the transition was a bit rocky to be honest. But, once I found my groove, I haven't been able to sit still! I love all the students, the people and the location of Flagstaff. It's all been very kind to me. I don't want to write very much on account of my last post being rather lengthy - however I wanted to give y'all some pictures! 

How bout that drive in? 

Barehanding with our student missionaries!

Gang signs and er'thang

Bearizona fail... :( 

View from campus

I spy a space ship ... or a football stadium dome... either way.

First roomie craft night! 

Then we went to Six Flags Magic Mountain

And got a little crazy..

Some people can't handle the party

We couldn't leave without this Cali staple 

Julie, myself and Bernadette were in the Jean Jacket club this weekend

Our Living room! 

From the other side of the room

Our sweet fireplace 

What Josh thinks of our fireplace 

Some smokin' ladies promoting all 50 FOCUS missions!

We hiked in Sedona on Labor Day and came across this creek

We didn't go very far once we found it.

My team and a nice little Englishman helped me celebrate my birthday in downtown Flagstaff!

Some super awesome students came along too :) 

But it all started with this monster of a breakfast. Biggest biscuits ever.

We had a party at our house that was busted by the po-po's. Probs cause this was happening on the porch.

So then we carpooled to go cliff jumping .. which was 38 (50) miles away

We jumped from batman

My first Macy's Special! 

Well folks, I think that just about rounds out all the pictures I've taken thus far. Thanks for loving me! 

Welcome Week Wonderfulness

Welcome Week! Dos Dubs! Deuce Dubs! 

Shut the front door! Here we are, Friday of welcome week - 4 more days to go! 
With a little down time, thought i'd let you all in on the happs down here in Flag. 

I moved down here on the 10th of August and was then joined by my parents for a couple days later that week to get me settled in. From there we started team meetings, outings and memories. Starting last week we had a Newman Center Staff Retreat which was by far the best day-long retreat i've ever been on. Every team builder was explained so well, each talk was very clear and the meals were delicious! We got to know each other (the missionaries, student interns, adult staff) so well and made this week way more enjoyable. The day after this retreat, we missionaries had a hard act to follow. We had a retreat with the student missionaries - those we are linking arms and battling for souls with this year - to cast vision and set goals for the year. We even went downtown Flagstaff and asked strangers about Pope Francis! I think I can speak for all of us by saying how impressed and excited watching the students in this activity made us. They have such joy and truly know the love of Christ, they want everyone to know the same. It is so exciting! 

We got the last couple of days last week to hang out with students before freshmen move in. Which. Was. Awesome. A group of us went cliff jumping one day! It was so fun. The next day we decided to throw a party at our house. We met a handful of students at the very last freshmen orientation so we invited them over, along with the interns and student missionaries we had been hanging out with. We ended up with about 30+ students at our house, singing karaoke, smoking cigars and having a good time. Such a good time, in fact, that the police had to put an end to it. Holy rager 2013: Success! 

Then welcome week really went into full throttle. We kicked it off with BBQs and Ice Cream after every mass - we met so many people! It was SO awesome to see so many students at each mass. Made me excited for the year! Met students from Alaska, Hawaii, Arizona, California - even Lebanon and England! So fun. Monday we took about 70 students to hike the Lava Tube Caves (formed from flowing lava from mount Humphreys back in the day), it was beautiful, hilarious and amazing all at the same time. Helped me jump into the Flagstaff life, too! When we returned from the hike, we had a couple hours of chill time before we met back at the Newman for a rousing game of Fugitive...which 200 people showed up to! It was an incredible turn out, especially because it was pouring when we met at 10pm. Tuesday we had a Luau at the Newman, complete with the Hawaiian club doing some beautiful hula dancing, hawaiian bbq and limbo! People stayed and hung out until midnight, with a grand total of (we're thinking) 150 people coming and going throughout the night. Wednesday we continued the awesomeness with Exalt - an hour of adoration, confession and praise and worship before candlelit mass followed by root beer floats. Another successful night of meeting people and Adoring Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Thursday we turned the excitement up again with the first Newman Night getting underway - complete with an 80 year old Priest who doubles as an EXTREMELY entertaining magician! He was hilarious, I couldn't handle it. This brings us to today, Friday, when we will be leaving for California on a bus tonight at midnight to hit up 6 flags magic mountain tomorrow before getting back on the bus tomorrow night! It's going to be exhausting but AWESOME. I'm so excited!  When we get back, we get more BBQ's and ice cream after the masses on Sunday and then a choice between hiking Mt. Humphrey's (Flag's highest peak at about 13k ft) or going to the slide rocks of Sadona and enjoying some natural water slides! I think we know which one i'll be doing :) 

Thank you for all your words of encouragement, prayers and love as I have started my job as a missionary with FOCUS down here in Arizona. They have meant the world to me and I am so grateful! Keep checking back, i'll add some pictures and write another blog introducing you to my team here in the next couple days. Love love! 

Oh, the times we shared!

Guys. It has been a LONG time since I posted on this bad boy. My apologies.

Today I had the pleasure of meeting with Clint's pretty momma and that little Stu too. I met with Lynn to explain further what FOCUS is and what I'll be doing down in Flagstaff, as she is generous in joining my support team. We got to talking and she brought up this gem of a blog and here I am with a little time to spare so - what the hey. Let's write a blog!

I will be leaving Greeley on Thursday evening for the longest time I've spent away since I moved up as a freshman. Most people, from what I've gathered, have been beyond thrilled to jump ship but I can't say I feel the same. Greeley did a lot for me and it'll always have a little piece of my heart. Growing up in the Navy it is the longest place I've lived consecutively with a total of 6 years - yeah. Took me awhile. Oops. I did a lot here, like I said: I made a lot of friends, learned a lot of things, lived a lot of places, had a lot of roommates, had a lot of adventures, but most importantly and most substantially, I met the Lord here. I know, Greeley! Of all places! But isn't that the beauty of it? In one of the smelliest, most bizarre, laughable and (for some) miserable place in Colorado (besides maybe Alamosa, ha) God took ahold of my heart and I couldn't be happier.

The adventure to FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) has been everything you'd expect an adventure to be; exciting, joyous, HARD, confusing, sad, hilariously entertaining, dirty and any and all other adjectives you'd use to describe an adventure. I've been welcomed into all sorts of lives by people who find joy in the most obscure things, like coffee or sharpening knives in front of children to people who are OBSESSED with things like Harry Potter or Harry Styles and I would not have made the leap to FOCUS without a single one of them. You see, I'm not the craziest of people, not the holiest or the most awesome but for some reason people enjoy being my friend. To me, its simply by the grace of God.  He has invited me time and time again to grow and be molded into a woman (which lets get real, has been quite the process), a woman who desires eternity.

He did it through people, people who were bold enough to let Him. So, here's to all of you, my sinful faithful. My new adventure is because of you. I love you and I thank you.

If you'd like to join my monthly support team (yeah, I raise my own salary and it's AWESOME!) visit: www.focus.org/goto/sarra

Or if you'd commit to praying for the students i'll be hanging out with at NAU send me your address and i'll send you my newsletter :)